In this moving episode of EPIC Begins with 1 Step Forward, host Zander Sprague is joined by special guest Mark Collins for a heartfelt conversation about grief, healing, and the journey to reclaim purpose after profound loss. Mark shares his personal story of navigating sibling loss and how it reshaped his outlook on life, purpose, and resilience. Together, Zander and Mark explore what it really means to take one EPIC step forward—even when life feels shattered.
This episode isn’t about “fixing” grief. It’s about honoring it, learning from it, and finding the strength to move through it with authenticity and courage. With raw honesty and practical wisdom, Mark and Zander dive into how we can empower ourselves to live fully, even while carrying the weight of loss.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in your grief or unsure of your next step, this conversation will speak directly to your heart. Because healing doesn’t happen all at once—it happens one courageous step at a time.
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When Life Breaks You, Break Through: The EPIC Way To Heal With Mark Collins
I am honored to be joined by Mark Collins. Mark, tell us who you are and what you do.
Unlocking Your Hero & Mastering Life By Design
I appreciate the questions, Zander. Thank you for having me in this conversation with you. What I do, what I tell them is I try to help you to unlock and unleash the hero in hiding. I work with individuals, business owners, and guys who are looking to have the life that they believed they were created for, but they’re not sane. They may be successful or somewhere in between but they are feeling like there’s more than where they’re currently at.
I have the unique opportunity to mentor, coach, and to care for them. I’m also an author. There’s a book that I wrote called LIFE MASTERY – Life by Design, Not By Default. On a personal note, a husband, and a father of three kids. They’re all adults, but we have three dogs that we treat like our children as well. That’s a little bit about me.
Look at that. Let’s take a moment and talk about your book because it sounds like a great book. What can you tell me about it?
Life Mastery, the concept and the course as well as the book is you trying to understand what does it look like to live authentically from who I’m created to be at the highest level I’m created for. It’s like that epic life that you talked about so often, which is amazing. It is wanting to unpack that life that you’re created for. I tell people, the things that I teach, train, use, and mentor aren’t because I had a great idea for somebody else. It was a journey that I walked in. That journey was me overcoming a security, fear of failure and how to start to unpack the guy I was created to be, versus what my life had told me.
Not using success as a substitute for it, but authentically living from that place. From there, being able to transform my life into the one I believed I could have. That was a journey I went on and that was some of the narration that I used in the book to help all the people to see the journey and the blueprint, but also understand that it’s not some intellectual on a high horse telling them that I know everything and you need to catch up to me, but somebody who’s been in that journey. The great thing about the book versus my course is, I get the chance to share those upbringing moments, those times of my life and what it looked like so they start to see the man behind the conversation as well.
I could certainly relate to the picture in my mind of what I want my life to be. Some of the external pressures of perhaps its parents, society, or whatever. One of the things you’ll probably agree with and I got a question here, which is all too often, we forget that we have choice in our life. No matter how long how far we’ve gone down a particular path, let’s get career. I know I did jobs where even if I didn’t emit to myself. I knew that I wasn’t happy in the job. It wasn’t utilizing my strengths but I needed a job. I’ve got a family and mortgage to pay. They’re paying me.
I worked in a large corporation and got transitioned from where I was doing well to reworks and stuff. All of a sudden, I was doing marketing and I wasn’t all that successful because I like closure theory by Gestalt, which says, “We feel uncomfortable when something isn’t complete.” I know for myself that’s true.
With marketing, “It’s going well,” then there isn’t closure. It’s still going or hard on something and that’s not working. Forget it. We’re scrapping it. I was walking around constantly frustrated that I couldn’t complete these tasks that I was assigned. My question for you is, when in your life did you utilize choice where you realize that you want to know, “For whatever reason, this path is not working for me?”
Choosing Your Path: Overcoming Life’s Default Settings
That’s a great question, Zander. I appreciate that. For a lot of us and myself included, the reason why I titled my book Life Mastery – Life by design, not by default is another way of putting what you were. It’s astutely saying, many times, we’re living by default. We don’t realize there’s an alternative. We’re just living life we have and trying to manage it the best we can. For me, there was a lot of that and trying to figure out what does it look like to that guy on the inside. The one I wanted to be that wasn’t showing up.
Many times, we’re living by default without realizing there’s an alternative, so we’re just living the life we have and managing it the best we can.
I started using what the world said would bring it about, so dealing with insecurity, fear of failure, and imposter syndrome. I looked at the people who were successful and there were successful and successful. They had their title, position, and positions and all of that. They must have everything together, so you go for those things. For me, that was one of those areas where what everybody else said was going to bring you fulfillment going down that road or reaching that mountain top. Whatever it is for everybody at whatever level of success you’re trying and finding out at the top of the mountain.
I was no different than the guy at the bottom. Except that the imposter syndrome and the fear of failure came along for the ride. For me, there was a pivot of understanding. If there is the truth that I believe I am more than what I’m living, the person I’m being, and the decisions I’m making and this isn’t the way, then they’re needed to be a pivot to change and figuring out if that didn’t do it, then what does?
For me, that was where Life Mastery came from. It was more of a faith journey of understanding of, if I’m not my successes and that certainly isn’t the answer. I’m not to sum total of my experiences in my past. There are things I’ve walked through. They’re not an identity statement I have to take. How can I unleash that guy that I am? The person I believe I can be with confidence, assurance, passion, and purposefulness and my life. That was the beginning of the journey and trying what the world said would work. When it didn’t, try to find an alternative to get there.
Did you find that when you started that ultra scary but you had to be brave moment where you started to go after what it is that you wanted? It doesn’t matter what the world says. Did you find that those first couple of steps were not nearly as difficult as you had imagined them to be? Let’s begin with one step forward. Oftentimes, that first step isn’t as hard as we imagine when we think about making a change.
That’s astute as well because the biggest challenge is the decision. That’s the one with me where there’s all the angst and all the mental wrestling match that’s going on. What happens if it doesn’t work and all of that. When you start to take that step forward, then there’s some momentum that’s being made but it’s because you’ve planted a flag and said, “I’m moving forward. Even if it’s the wrong path, this is the path I’m choosing.”
I’ve been there, wrong path, right path and anywhere in between. It was the mental decision to get there to make that first step that’s much more challenging than jumping in and starting whatever that step is. Knowing that initially, you’re not going to know everything but what you do know is what’s next. When you take that next, then the next one comes after that and then you build momentum.
You start to see looking back, there’s been some change or transformation or whatever the goal is. For me, it was unleashing the man I believed I could be. You start to see that guy showing up and builds that momentum to do it once more.
Defining Your True Self: Beyond Accomplishments & External Voices
Who is Mark? Who is the man you were meant to be? Talking about it, I’m just so curious. What was the picture that you had in your mind or in your heart that you are like, “Here’s who I’m supposed to be?”
You can do it in the positive or the negative. The negative version of it is, I’m not that guy who’s fearful. I’m not that guy who’s a failure waiting to happen. What I tell people, Zander, is you’re living from who you’re created to be or what your life has told you. You’d mentioned some things earlier, parents, experiences, background, painful times and horrible decisions you may have made. There’s this whole litany of life that we’ve lived and the challenge is that it has a voice that many times we’re going to listen to.
You’re living from who you’re created to be, or what your life has told you.
The outcome of that is you start to believe that’s who you are and you start to live from that place. For me, it was unpacking some of those things. Who is Mark? Mark is a man of compassion and worth. Mark is a man of character and desire. He’s a man who finishes the things he starts, who’s all in and all the way on the things that matter to him and the people that matter to him as well. It’s a character statement, your identity statement, which is the foundation of the work we do.
It’s starts with an identity statement. It’s not my resume of accomplishments. It’s not what the world has told me and maybe my past has told me I am. It’s the person that you’re showing up as. That man of character and worth or that woman who is confident in who she is. The thing that makes a difference in everything that you do, whether it’s in your business, your life, or your relationships is the man or the woman that shows up.
What I tell the folks that I work with is your identity statement, which again, we work on is a character statement. It’s not an accomplishment statement because many times we use accomplishment as a substitute for it. What happens when you fail? What happens when you lose that job? What happens when you have business goes down?
All of a sudden, there’s this identity crisis but when you walk in and understanding it’s your character that matters, then you get to show up as a person you’re created to be. What I tell people is this, you’re the answer walking in the room. You’re not the question to be figure it out. When you understand that and live from that, you’ll start to see the results of that.
Redefining Failure & Shifting Perspectives: Experience Vs. Identity
An important part I talked about in my book, failure is part of the journey. Folks, we are going to fail. At least we tried. The mental health professional in me looks at naturally look at situations and go, “Why is that?” In working with people on their epic goals, people get stuck. They’re making that decision, “Should I? It’s scary.”
You’re right, and that stops them from doing it. Mark, when you got up, you did not have all the answers to every question you’re going to get. You’re going to fail at something but it didn’t stop you from getting out of bed. It doesn’t stop most people from getting out of bed every single day. I’m like, “What’s the difference?” I don’t know about you, but I’ve had many days where I got up and there were parts of the day that just did not go well. It didn’t stop me the next morning from getting out of bed.
When people are wanting to make a change, they become aware that they’re like, “This isn’t working for me.” They somehow stop and I’m like, “Why?” You’re going to fail. I joke all the time that as an entrepreneur, I’ve been incredibly generous buying tools that are going to help me do my business better and they’re not that they’re bad tools. They’re just not the right tool for me. If we do any home repair, you go, “I need to screwdriver.” If you grab the wrong size Phillips head, do you go, “I’m such a fail. I can’t do this. I can’t do this repair.” You’re like, “I needed a smaller screwdriver.”
What I tell the folks that I work with is, failure is either an experience that you are walking through or it’s an identity statement that you’ve taken. Zander, as I did the challenges and whether my experience is successful or a failure. It’s what does it say about me. It is not whether my marriage worked out or didn’t work out. It’s, what is that failure of that relationship say about me?
It’s the identity statement that you take from it that makes you decide whether it’s something you can live and grow from or something that is going to identify you that stops you from doing it the next time. I keep beating over the head with this but, to me, in the work that we do, it’s all about identity. When you know who you are apart from your outcomes, then whatever your outcome is, it’s something you can take from it, learn from it, grow from it, or celebrate.
It doesn’t stop you because it’s just another step towards or one step forward. It’s that next step towards learning the next time. My wife and I’ve had successful business. We had a successful business before I started doing this work full-time. We sold that business for equality profit. That was the fifth business. The first four were learning experience and challenges to walk through, but all of them brought us to a place of doing that. What most folks don’t realize is, when you look at the life you’ve had, you can look at the failures and the successes in your life as equals stepping stones towards that life. You learn from both of them, if you don’t let them stop you.
You’re talking about identity and identity is great. All too often, people forget that we are multi-dimensional creatures and we are not just one thing. You are an author, a speaker, an entrepreneur, a father, a husband, and a son. You may be a brother. You’re not just one of these things. If one part of that doesn’t quite work out, it doesn’t stop the rest of who you are.
Buddhist Wisdom & Perspective Shifts: Not Inherently Good Or Bad
It’s so important. You were talking about whether we view something good or bad. I remember years ago, I was taking coaching course and I read a book. I’m not getting it right, but it was like The Diamond Cutter: The Buddha on Managing Your Business and Your Life. Out of the whole book, the nugget I took away was this Buddhist belief that things are not inherently good or bad. It’s how we interpret it.
I’ll give a common example. It’s a beautiful sunny day. The sun being out does not inherently make it good or bad but my perspective on it. I go, “This is great. I can be outside.” If I live someplace, I’m a farmer and there’s a drought and the sun is out. I may view that as a bad thing. Inherently, the sun being out isn’t good or bad. Whatever happens to us, whether we get laid off from a job, a relationship ends, a business doesn’t quite succeed, and a child of ours make a choice that we do not want them to make. How we interpret it is how we’re going to deal with it.
It’s an alignment with some of the things we teach. We have four pillars of life mastery. It’s like, I didn’t experience meaning and emotion. The one you’re talking about there and what you take from it is what I call the meaning of that experience. It’s not the experience you walk through. It could be good, horrific, or somewhere in between but what’s the meaning that you’re taking from it?
That meaning will not only give you an emotion to attach to it, but give you a response to use the next time you come across that thing whatever it is. Again, life by design and the thing you talked about earlier, the choice. You have a choice to determine the meaning. It doesn’t have to be determined for you. You and I know and I’m sure you’ve probably read books from people who have had horrific journeys in their life. They took a meaning out of it, that empowered them that uplifted them, and moved them forward in a positive way.
We’ve also had friends who maybe had what you would consider if fairly minor circumstance in their life and yet they relive that circumstance, tell you about it, remind you about it and live from that place for years to come. It’s not the experience itself on the tragedy scale. Its what’s the meaning that you’re taking from it. It doesn’t minimize the experience. It doesn’t say bad stuff didn’t happen and it didn’t hurt, but what I tell people is, I don’t want it to tell you who you are anymore.
Choosing To Define Loss: Sibling Grief & Personal Meaning
You could see over my shoulder one of my books, Why Don’t They Cry? I speak a lot about sibling loss. I wrote a book for siblings. The Why Don’t They Cry is for parents to understand their living child’s grief. I work with a lot of people who have lost siblings and do grief work and stuff. What I like to say is choose to define whatever the loss is and don’t have it defined you. Years ago, my older sister was murdered. That is horrific.
I’m working my way through that. I will never get over losing her but I’m doing a pretty good job of working my way through it. Some days are better than others. That’s true of anything, but her loss does not define my whole entire life, but you’re right. There are the people, even something that should be fairly on the whole scale of things, not a major thing.
Let’s say someone was in a car accident but not a bad one. Only a little fender bender. For the next ten years, they’re just living in that trauma of, “I was hit by a car.” Yes, you were in a car and someone else hit you. That’s terrible, but they put their whole life on hold for ten years. Life is a participatory sport. Whether I participate my life today or not, it’s still going on. It’s still progressing.
I’m sorry to hear about that loss in your life. To be honest, as well, a lot of times people give you an ideas sand strategies to move forward and you feel like they’ve never been where you’re at. To share from my own life as well, I’ve been in that place. My wife and I lost our oldest. Our youngest daughter is 26. My wife and I lost a twin daughter’s.
I’m so sorry.
It was a horrible time much like with your sister and while the multitude of people who are on here. It was a challenge to get through. Grief takes its own time. I’m not saying you can shake it over it in a moment but at some point, there’s ability to reflect back and to find meaning in it that can help you move forward. For us, that meaning was in that loss and not knowing anyone who else who went through it.
Finding people around us who would support us at that time and then being able to, years later in our own life, with younger folks that we have the opportunity to have relationship with in investing in them from a place of experience and knowing what they’re walking through. While I wouldn’t have chosen this gift or the ability to know what they’re walking through. I’ve chosen to take something from it, that can help somebody else.
I don’t have a meaning or a reason for why our daughter’s died or your sister was murdered but there’s something I can pull from it that I can benefit somebody else and add to it in a way that drives me forward in a positive way. Whatever you’re walking through, I just believe if I was to talk to somebody individually small or big thing in our life, I believe you’re more than what you’ve experienced. If you can find something to move forward in it, to use it as an empowering thing in your life at some level and some way, you’ll find a life that is much richer than if you don’t.
You’re more than what you’ve experienced.
I talk all the time about choosing a positive path like find the thing that can be the lemonade, the silver lining, or whatever you want to call it because it is so important to know. There’s such a power in choice in saying so. We’ll take our mutual losses. Every day, you can choose whether you want to talk about your twin daughters or not.
On a day you choose not to, it doesn’t mean you never want to talk about them. It’s just, it’s not the day. Even in all of our lives, when our choices are crap and crappier and we’ve all been there. There is self-empowerment in saying, “I wish I had a third choice. I don’t. I am choosing this. It’s not what I want,.” There’s some self- empowering like I didn’t just let stuff happen. I chose this. Again I wish I had another choice but I don’t.
It’s like I talked about, life by design is understanding that I don’t have to just allow myself to manage my life in those things that are coming at me. It’s being able to understand that I have a choice and how I interpret it, what I take from it the meaning I have from it and the thoughts and the ideas that I want to empower and encourage in my own life.
For us, a lot of the work we do starts with your thoughts, mastering your thoughts. I tell people who you think you are, comes back to some of those things we’ve talked about. I can ruminate on those things that have gone wrong in my life. Those things that haven’t happened and those challenges that led to a failure or downturn. I could always ruminate on those or I could find those things right.
Who you think you are, you’ll become.
Whatever is right, good and joyful, meditate on these things. If I can find good in my day, finding good in the sun and the sunshine or what have you. Choosing happy or empowering, then you start to find that those choices are easier. It starts to build momentum towards a life that makes you feel that way all the time. You’re not having to stress your way towards it. You don’t have to work at it all the time. You find that guy or that woman showing up. It’s an amazing life to have.
The 97% Rule & Being Your Own Cheerleader
One of the things I talked about all the time, I’m sure people who read regular like, “Here he goes again.” Anyway, I call it my 97/3 rule, which is that, I believe that 97% of your day is good and up to 3% isn’t so good. We all have days where it’s a lot higher. I get that, but in general there’s so much good happening in your life.
When you ask someone how their day was, they focus on that 3%. To give it more-clear like, what am I talking about? When I was going for my licensing as a mental health professional and to do 3,000 hours of internship. I was working in a middle school and high school base program. A lot of my clients had academic challenges along with other things. To help them put stuff in the proper perspective, especially with teenagers. I’d ask them what their least favorite subject was. I’ll do the exercise with you, Mark. In high school what was your least favorite subject?
Math.
I’m right there with you. If you got a 97 on a Math test. How would you feel?
Great.
You’d be ecstatic. You’d be telling your parents and your friends. You’d be so joyful. Would you be complaining about the three points you didn’t get?
No.
The psychologist in me goes, “That’s interesting.” Why are human beings focusing on the things that just didn’t go right and ignoring all of the good that’s going on? Do you know baseball inning?
A little bit.
To make it into the hall of fame, you have to have a lifetime batting average of over 300. I’m not like discounting how challenging that is. Imagine you’re doing some sort of work for nine hours. You’re living your life for nine hours. In order for it to be hall of fame day, you only have to get it right for 3 hours out of that 9. That does not seem like a particularly high bar to have to clear to go. I had a hall fame day. Let me tell you, six hours, complete train wreck, and didn’t get anything. In the three hours, I did do it. I got stuff done.
Hall of fame day is about the perspective and how we choose to look at things. I just want to encourage people, as you are too, which is how you view it makes all the difference. The person that you want to be is right there. They’ve been there the whole time. You have to claim it and say, “Here’s who I am.” Don’t be the meanest person in your life. We say horrible thing to ourselves like, “You can’t do it. You’re not going to be successful. You fail at this. You didn’t accomplish this.” Don’t be that person. Be your number one cheerleader.
There’s nobody of any success at any level who has been their own worst critic. They’ve all been their biggest fan and it doesn’t mean they’re delusional. It just means that they’re factual and as you said, focusing on the three hours of the day. Focusing on the 300 batting, which means you’ve struck out a vast much more than you’ve hit a home run or hit a base or what have you.
Successful people at all levels are not their own worst critics; they are their biggest fans.
At the end of the day, it’s the fortitude in seeing the good and to being unwilling to give up, which is the biggest thing. Whatever life throws at you. If you’re unwilling to settle for that, I believe you’ll have that life. You could talk about anybody. You could talk about Thomas Edison and the thousands of experiments for one light bulb, but that one light bulb changed the world.
It wasn’t because of the fortitude. It was the man unwilling to give up at every single one of those. I don’t know if it’s truth or myth, but it’s said that somebody asked him one time, “How could you keep going when you fail 900 times in creating a light?” Bobby said, “I didn’t fail 900 times. I found 900 ways not to do it until I found the one way to do it.”
Think about, you know how to write and I know how to write, but when in kindergarten or first grade, learning how to write an ABC was incredibly difficult. We didn’t give up because it got hard. You just kept at it. You learned how to ride a bike and you fell off. You didn’t master it. All of sudden, your brain picked up on how to balance and you’re off and riding. It’s like, all of the answers, we’ve already had them in our life. We just have to remember that we have so many epic successes. We need to remember and remind ourselves that sometimes it’s going to take the path to your epic journey is going to take time.
There’s a couple of ways that I try and see it with the people I work with. One is, I ask them along with their I am statement, which is your identity statement. It’s to have them create a celebration list. I’ve created 100. I’ve asked them to create twenty and it’s not a celebration of the things you’ve done. It’s the answer to this question, “What do you love about you?” In that celebration list, it helps you to start to stop being negative.
Stop seeing your face or start seeing things. You’re not accomplishments. For me, I love the fact that I have blue eyes. I love the fact that I love chocolate and I like goofy humor. These are all just attributes of who I am, but it’s not something I’ve had to attain. It’s literally me celebrating a part about me. The other one accomplishment list. I’ve written 110.
Zander, when you’ve read 20 or maybe 30, you’ve taken all the marquis stuff in your life off. When I got to 70-90, I was writing stuff like not I graduated from college, which I did. I graduated from Junior High School. I owned ten vehicles and five homes. It’s these minor victories in your life and what I find with people is, when you start to see that you’re winning on a daily basis by getting up, showing up to the thing you’re doing, whether it’s school or work.
By doing the standard things in life, you’re continuing to build success in your life but we discount it. Not realizing that the people, and I’ll take Olympic athletes. Olympic athletes get to the Olympic level because they celebrate the daily sacrifice. They celebrate the things that they’re doing on a daily basis and those minor wins in their life because they know that builds momentum towards their ultimate goal.
If you can’t celebrate the small things, the small victories, the ordinary victories in your life, many times you can’t celebrate the big ones. When you can celebrate the small ones, you start to see that 300-batting average. You start to see more and more of the truth of the things you’re doing right in your life. In that place, you give yourself grace for those times when it doesn’t work out.
If you can’t celebrate the small, ordinary victories in your life, you often can’t celebrate the big ones.
I got to meet a Olympic swimmer. He won a bronze medal and his thing he said, “13 years for 30 seconds.” He trained 13 years for 30 seconds, which was his race and he out-touched someone by literally 100th of a second. His finger was just that much longer than the person who came in fourth. I was like, “That is so true.” I know they say it all the time, but everyone who makes it to the Olympics, that’s pretty darn cool. You are an Olympian for life, whether you medaled or not.
That’s a great perspective to have. There’s many people who would love to be in the position you are, whatever that position is. It doesn’t mean there can’t be more in higher level goals and visions that you have. That’s what we talked about living at the highest level you’re created for because that’s where fulfillment comes in. It’s understanding that you are currently in a place that’s worth celebrating.
You’re a person who’s worth celebrating. In that place, you give yourself the grace. As I said before, for the failures and those times when it doesn’t work out, but you give yourself the momentum towards those things that I believe more people want than don’t, which is the person I believe I can be to show up and have that life.
Mark, you and I could probably go on for hours here. This has been a great conversation. How can people get a hold of you, find your book, and work with you?
I appreciate you asking, Zander. I try to be a one-stop shop and my one stop is the website I have, which is Freedom-4-Life.net. You can find my course out their Life Mastery and an eBook version of my book, so you could have it on any device you have. My book is on Amazon. Probably yours, Zanders because everything’s on Amazon. If you have questions about Life Mastery, if it’s for you and how to move forward with it. You can reach out to me at
Ma**@Fr************.net
.
Mark, I want to thank you so much for taking the time to come in and have what is truly been an epic conversation.
It’s been a great conversation. I appreciate it, Zander.
Not a problem. If you’re ready to begin your epic journey, go to EpicBegins.com and remember that epic choices lead to the epic life that you want.
Important Links
- Mark Collins on LinkedIn
- Mark Collins on Instagram
- Email Mark Collins at
Ma**@Fr************.net
- Freedom For Life
- LIFE MASTERY – Life by Design, Not By Default
- The Diamond Cutter: The Buddha on Managing Your Business and Your Life
- Why Don’t They Cry?
About Mark Collins
Mark Collins is a Business / Life Coach, the founder of Freedom For Life, LLC and author of the transformational leadership book, “LIFE MASTERY: Living life by design, not by default.”
He has a singular passion to see men unleashed as the Hero they are created to be in their business, relationships and life.
Mark has developed and launched his Life Mastery online course and has seen hundreds of lives transformed. He has also had the privilege of speaking at conferences throughout the Western US.